The Top 16 Things Observed at Harley-Davidson's 100th Anniversary Bash

16> Not nearly as much leather on display as at last month's Greater Milwaukee Dominatrix-and-Slave Convention.


15> Side trip to watch the Milwaukee Brewers canceled when it's discovered that they're a baseball team.


14> Drugs of choice? Tums, Viagra and sponsor Jack Daniel's new "Hard Fiber" drink.


13> Jay Leno tarnishing the biker image by sporting a Hello Kitty T-shirt under his leather jacket.


12> Circa 1906 sepia prints of the first Harley mama to hoist her petticoat upon the beseechment "Prithee, display for us your cat-heads, madame!"


11> Thanks to "Hooked on Phonics," most of the last decade's tattoos were spelled correctly.


10> The teeth-to-tattoos ratio needs scientific notation to be expressed properly.


9> The mechanic who assembled the very first Harley showed up with his new girlfriend, Anna Nicole Smith.


8> In a stunning change, Siegfried for once taking the back seat to Roy.


7> Harley president's speech interrupted by the dramatic drive-by of two hundred Segway-riding nerds.


6> Many of the bikers complaining that the teenagers at the campsite next door were making too much noise.


5> The two biggest gangs? Hell's Lawyers and the Wild Accountants.


4> By the end of the weekend, legions of bandaged and bleeding hardcore outlaw bikers all regret having laughed at Rosie O'Donnell.


3> (1) Some celebrities are not universally recognized.
(2) All of the "Fab Five's" heads fit in one dufflebag.


2> "I call it 'Rolling Thunder' -- but my doctor calls it a spastic colon."


1> Putting on the magical Sorting Hat to separate attendees into the two Harley Houses of Badassdor and Poseurpuff.


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]