16> "And if we look at the satellite picture we see this large cloud formation that looks like the Wicked Witch of the West. And look! This one looks like an elephant..."
15> Attempts to use the Doppler radar to catch speeding cars along the freeway.
14> The pointer she's using to draw attention to that high pressure cell over Kansas shouldn't vibrate, should it?
13> Ends every sentence with "...if the Dark Lord deems it acceptable."
12> Bogarts all the chili beans from the studio commissary's salad bar in preparation for his on-air demonstration of wind shear.
11> Shows up in an undershirt and replaces the "wind chill factor" with the "headlight factor."
10> Screams, "Yeah, but it's a DRY heat" when his leg gets humped during the pet adoption segment.
9> Wants everyone to think his *real* name is "Storm."
8> Her new "Doppler Radar Storm Tracker 2000" looks like an old microwave oven with some Hello Kitty stickers stuck on the door.
7> Sacrifices the sports guy to the Rain God -- but does it off-camera, dammit!
6> Still uses 10-10-321 even after you told him about 10-10-220.
5> Does the forecast without pants and apologizes for not being able to point to the temperatures north of the equator.
4> Actually thinks he can become a multi-millionaire late night TV talk show host.
3> "...Turning to the five-day forecast on our Doppler radar, we see the Monistat is really clearing up my yeast infection!"
2> Has begun mumbling, "If there's even gonna BE a tomorrow," after each forecast.
1> Weekend forecast calls for scattered showers and "a chance of love."
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[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
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