16> You're always crushing objects too small to be seen from inside -- like Ford Excursions and the Washington Monument.15> No need to worry about one-way streets -- for you, *every* street is a one-way street.14> As a result of the vehicle size/penis size inverse ratio, you now have an "innie."13> The hood ornament is a Yugo.12> McDonnell-Douglas and Boeing are bidding for your next tire rotation.11> The Guinness Book of World Records has certified your back window screen as the world's largest Confederate flag.10> Your spinning rims have started altering weather patterns. 9> Your monthly Texaco bill comes with a lovely gift basket and a personally signed thank-you note from the emir of Kuwait. 8> You let your kids eat in the truck -- as long as they stay in the dining room. 7> You keep finding chunks of SUV in your front grille. 6> Whenever you fill it up, Dick Cheney's grin gets a little wider. 5> The turn signals are labeled "port" and "starboard." 4> Four times this month you've crushed the garbage truck while backing out of the driveway. 3> Greenies have to stand on a stepladder to key the paint job. 2> The passenger side is 2 feet lower because that's where your wife parks her Camry. 1> Every time you gun the engine, you can feel the earth get a teensy bit warmer. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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