16> "But officer, she asked for directions!"
15> You're the only guy at your gym who's got a French manicure between his legs.
14> Your wedding ring keeps falling off in the shower.
13> Restraining order keeps you out of Yellow Pages offices nationwide.
12> "Not tonight, baby -- I've got a hangnail."
11> Madge calls the cops when she discovers you soaking in the Palmolive.
10> Your rabbi is also your manicurist.
9> A few words into your "I did not have sexual relations" finger-wagging speech, Helen Thomas faints dead away.
8> Getting to third base is now a ground-rule home run.
7> You now get arrested for giving someone the finger -- even in New York City.
6> Millions of pianists in the world, but there are chords that only *you* can play.
5> Aunt Norma won't let you play "Chopsticks" at the family reunion anymore.
4> You sprout wood every time someone cuts you off in traffic.
3> Even Fox has to go to commercial when you throw your knuckleball.
2> Your nose-picking habit is cured -- and your belly button is squeaky clean!
1> "With this ring I thee-- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!"
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[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]
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