The Top 15 Signs Your Prom Date Is William Hung

15> A bitchy blonde laughs that your date can't dance, then spits out her punch when you reply, "Who cares? He's Will Hung!"


14> He looks even dorkier in his rented tux than the other guys in attendance.


13> When you tell him he's the absolute worst kisser you've had in your entire life, he just laughs and keeps kissing you.


12> Answered: Your idle speculation about what Yoko Ono would sound like as a Vegas lounge act.


11> A jealous Ruben Studdard beats your date to a pulp in the parking lot.


10> After 20 minutes of awkward fumbling in the limo, he casts his eyes to the floor and says, "I have no professional training with bra clasps."


9> The intoxicating rush of fame from "The Simple Life" has already worn off, and Paris drew the longer straw.


8> Your cousin Paula described your blind date as a world-famous pop singer with millions of fans and a great down-to-earth personality -- but conveniently failed to mention his giant goofy head.


7> Your date can't dance, can't sing... oops, never mind. False alarm: He's just a normal white guy.


6> As you approach the karaoke bar for that after-dinner drink, the owner hurriedly turns the sign around from "OPEN" to "CLOSED."


5> He manages to tear your dress, trash your corsage and step on *both* your feet dancing, but that doggone goofy charm convinces you to give it up anyway.


4> Despite his embarrassing performance in the back seat of his car, his earnest demeanor landed him a $25,000 porno deal.


3> His tux, the limo, the hotel room... everything has been rented for just 15 minutes.


2> "Our next song is by request -- for the fifth time tonight, not that we're counting... 'She Bangs!'"


1> Fox has already cleared three nights of its fall schedule to accommodate a series documenting the evening, with rights to a second one covering the after-party.


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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]