The Top 15 Signs the Groom Is Dead

15> "I, Anna Nicole Smith, promise to love, honor and cherish...."


14> When the priest asks if anyone objects to the marriage, the bride's hand is the first one up.


13> The best man's shroud and scythe don't seem to match the maid of honor's taffeta.


12> Cold feet like you wouldn't believe!


11> His tux jacket zips up the back and the pants are missing altogether.


10> I'd say his sleeping with the maid of honor just about guaranteed it.


9> The cake topper is a tiny little bride and a tiny little headstone.


8> Your bachelor party: Coronas until you passed out in your underpants.
His bachelor party: coroners until he was passed off to the undertaker.


7> A botched ring exchange sends everyone to the floor to look for his finger.


6> He's either dead or he's been taking dancing lessons from Al Gore.


5> He started to lose that "new husband smell" right after the vows.


4> The bride is using his nail beds as her "something blue."


3> His groomsmen keep stubbing out their cigars on him.


2> He doesn't even wince as his testicles are removed at the altar.


1> His vow? "... to love, honor and decay...."


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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]