The Top 15 Signs Someone You Know Is on Steroids Pt 2

15> The gardener finish mowing the lawn in under five minutes.
The Texas Stadium lawn.

14> The mail carrier runs house to house, spiking TV Guides and
yelling, "In your FACE, Dallas!"

13> Arrives at your wedding in a sleeveless tuxedo.

12> Your morning newspaper rockets through the picture window,
blasts out the sliding doors and does a perfect swan dive into the
neighbors' stagnant kiddie pool.

11> Last year: Dade County macrame champion.
    This year: all-time MLB RBI champion.

10> Asking your wife, "What's for dinner?" now earns you a snort
and repetitive pawing at the dirt.

 9> When raising the host, Father O'Malley now strikes
a body-builder pose.

 8> Johnny's mom gives all eight kids on the soccer
team a ride to practice -- piggyback.

 7> Grandma's latest hobby: crocheting trawling nets
for tuna boats.

 6> When your wife gets a wobbly-wheeled cart at the
supermarket, she just picks it up and carries it around like a hand

 5> Manages to work "testicle size is overrated" into
every conversation.

 4> He's far and away the best player on his T-ball
team -- and the *only* one with a beard.

 3> Kicks your mailbox off its post, then says, "I'll
ask again: How many boxes of Thin Mints shall I put you down for?"

 2> The Starbucks barista has taken to grinding the
beans for your latte in his teeth.

 1> Just went 4-for-5 with three homers against Randy
Johnson -- while on her period.

[  The Top 5 List  ]
[   Copyright 2005 by Chris
White    ]

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