The Top 15 Changes if the "Matrix" Films Were Cast With Other Actors

15> "Is meesa really The One?"


14> Bob Vila as the Keymaker slows down the action with constant demos.


13> With Tom Green in the role of Neo, audience members find themselves rooting for the Smiths.


12> "... and starring Paul Rodriguez as 'The Juan.'"


11> After Neo gets chased to the outside window ledge of a skyscraper, the voice of Ashton Kutcher comes over his cell phone: "You've been *so* punk'd, bro'!"


10> RuPaul as Trinity -- I mean, if you're going to go with virtual reality, why not go all the way?


9> Bill Gates as the Core Program keeps having to reboot.


8> "So do you want to take the red pill?" "WHY, SOITENLY! Nyuk-nyuk-nuyk!"


7> Robin Williams insists on coming up with 100 separate personalities for his 100 Agent Smiths.


6> Popcorn and candy sales plummet in movie theatres after audiences see Anna Nicole Smith packed into a tight leather costume.


5> Even Neo can't fight off thousands of attacking Baldwin brothers.


4> Confused about the red pill/blue pill thing, Robert Downey Jr. swallows a handful of each.


3> t.A.T.u. + leather S&M garb = millions of fanboys spasming in their seats.


2> While he shares Keanu's black leather and inability to act, Henry Winkler brings a whole 'nother vibe to the role of Neo.


1> As Morpheus, Jackie Mason convinces Neo to forgo both the blue and red pills and try the veal.


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[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]