The Top 14 Tips Donald Trump Has for His New Apprentice

14> "Trust me. Even if you look like a bloated troll, chicks dig billionaires."


13> "Don't be fooled by his naked antics -- Richard Hatch over in Marketing is up to no good."


12> "Keep your hands off Carolyn, but George, well, that's another story."


11> "Secret code phrase to utter if you ever notice my fly down during a board meeting: 'Sir, are you ready for your PowerPoint presentation?'"


10> "Lowe's has better prices on shellac than Home Depot."


9> "Wait until the bankers leave the room before starting your victory macarena."


8> "You're fired! Ha, ha, ha. No, really. You're fired, too!"


7> "Don't bother giving other drivers the finger when you get cut off. Have your chauffeur do it."


6> "You're never too young for a comb-over."


5> "Never, EVER schedule me for an interview with Barbara Walters. I am not now, nor do I ever intend to be, 'Mista Twump.'"


4> "Never blur the line between servility and civility."


3> "Plant your corn early. Yeah, I never understood that one either when I was growing up."


2> "After a long, *successful* day with the boss, only the *medicated* Chapstick will do."


1> "If you think the selection process compromised your integrity, wait until you're actually WORKING for me."


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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]