The Top 14 Things Overheard at the Office Holiday Party

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]


[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]


14> "So I said, 'Irv, if you don't put down that damn Uzi, you can just forget about a raise this year'."


13> "President Clinton, the copier is not a toy."


12> "To all employees: Please go to xmasparty.com for your free holiday drink."


11> "Hot hors d'oeuvres for 1,000: $2500; Santa Suit for the CEO: $50; Hearing them whine for a raise: priceless!"


10> "Wow! Do you invite ALL your new interns to see the oval office?"


9> "What do they mean, 'year end profit'? We're an Internet company!"


8> "Oh, puh-leeze! I'll bet he put the copier on zoom 200%."


7> "Damn!!! Mistletoe everywhere and *I've* got sexual harassment charges hanging over me."


6> "The company policy is 'No Office Romances' -- it says nothing about cheap, meaningless sex on the boss's desk."


5> "Here's your Zima, Mr. Gore."


4> "When the boss called me into his office to give me a pink slip, I didn't think he wanted me to *wear* it."


3> "Don't worry, we have plenty of time to get the Nuclear Missile Launch program Y2K compliant, besides, I always code better after a few drinks."


2> "Why, Mr. Gates! Another copy of Windows! You shouldn't have."


1> "Oh, man, Bob's making photocopies of his ass agai-- BOB, WAIT!! THAT'S THE SHREDDER!!!"