13> Tom Cruise Control.
12> Spare tire compartment contains a skirt with a long slit to attract potential tire-changing good Samaritans hoping to get lucky.
11> The mirror reads, "Asses in mirror appear smaller because they *really are* smaller. It's not an optical illusion. And you look totally smokin' in those khakis."
10> Whenever an unattractive man turns the ignition, the engine doesn't start and a voice states, "It's not you, it's me."
9> Radio filters out stupid men's voices one week out of every month.
8> Out: lumbar support. In: emotional support.
7> Lower-dash-mounted fan -- 'cause you try wearing panty-hose all day in July, Mister!
6> In lieu of a honking horn, steering wheel whispers, "You're fat!" at drivers of threatening cars.
5> Fake steering wheel and pedals on the passenger side so, as in every other aspect of the marriage, hubby can pretend *he's* in control.
4> During PMS, OnStar system locates the nearest chocolate retailer.
3> At tune-ups, the car requests gasoline with oil separately on the side, dry wiper fluid, towel-patted engine block and please put on the new tires *before* doing the alignment.
2> A simple controller switch adjusts gas/brake pedal positions for flats, office heels or clubbing heels.
1> Cup holder now dubbed the "testicle receptacle" for holding your emasculated PT Cruiser-driving boyfriend's balls.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
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