13. Microsoft offices no longer providing toilet paper bearing Netscape logo.
12. Follow-up release to "IE4" now being referred to internally as "IE5-10, with time off for good behavior."
11. Must say "pretty please with jam on top" before devouring competitors.
10. Cancellation of planned "You'll think what we TELL you to think!" ad campaign.
9. Company United Way contributions redirected towards the "Let's Buy The US Government" fund.
8. Plans to begin marketing MSFood, MSClothing and MSShelter quietly tabled.
7. 10:00 AM: Barksdale visits Gates's office to sign landmark settlement agreement. 10:05 AM: Piranhas beneath trap door get some lunch.
6. "I don't break for software companies" bumper stickers removed from corporate limousines.
5. Internal memos no longer refer to Janet Reno as "liquor addled she-male."
4. Kick back for a while, let loser companies catch up.
3. Now relegated to making large piles of cash, down from huge buttwads of cash.
2. Using honesty, humility and cooperation, allow one small competitor to show a modest profit for three straight quarters. Then when they're lulled, club 'em to death like a baby seal.
1. Tables turned in jail, where Bill Gates has no choice but to have "Big Louie's Inmate Explorer" installed against *his* will.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
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