The Re-incarnation of Ralph

Ralph came stumbling home; drunk again after another late night at the local pub. He slid quietly into bed beside his sleeping wife,
and fell into a deep sleep.

He was awoken by a bright golden light, and he found himself standing before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You have died in your sleep Ralph. You drank yourself to death... You're in Heaven now. Welcome my son."

Ralph was stunned. "WAIT! I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. What about my wife? My children? Please, send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry. Your time on Earth, as a man, has passed. I can send you back, out of Heaven, but only as a dog, or a chicken."

Devastated, Ralph thought for a while about his options. Then he remembered the chicken farm beside his home. His eyes widened, as the thought of watching his kids from the nearby farm seemed like a good option for him. He requested to be re-incarnated, as a chicken.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking,
and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?"

"Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling
inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"

"You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"

"Never," said Ralph.

"Well, just relax and let it happen," says the rooster.

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. He began to cry as he was so thankful for this amazing opportunity to be able to give life.

As the feeling returned, he swelled with pride, and he began to lay a third egg.

He heard someone yelling his name... 'RALPH!' 'RALPH!!!' Then he felt a hard SMACK on the back of his head.

"RALPH! WAKE UP YOU DRUNK BASTARD! YOU'RE SHITTING IN THE BED!!!"