The Legend of the Man Who Went on Vacation to New Orleans

It can be assumed that the man had gone to many, many bars that night. By the time he had entered his fifth bar, he was definitely drunk.

The man decided that it was about time to use the bathroom, so he approached the bartender and asked the bartender politely, "Exchuze me... whre kn-I take... take a.... where's the shhhitter?"

Luckily for the man, the bartender was fluent in drunk language. "Down that hall, to the left!" he said with his southern New Orleans charm.

The man staggered down the hall and, in his stupor, crashed through the door on the right. Inside the room sat the greatest golden toilet that the man had ever laid his eyes upon.

The drunk enjoyed emptying out the spicy Cajun food from his bowels. He enjoyed the toilet so much as it seemed to perfectly wrap around his bottom, so he decided to just keep using it. And using it. And using it. He truly was in love with the great golden toilet.

The next morning was a haze and a headache. The man didn't remember much, but he remembered that golden toilet. He remembered the connection that it seemed to have with his bottom. He considered the experience to be sublime, perhaps even intimate. Therefore, he decided, no matter the cost, he must have that toilet.

After drinking two bottles of pedialite and taking a few ibupeofen, he felt as though his hangover had subsided enough to return to the bar where he once met his toilet. He recognized the bartender from the night before and hastily approached him.

"Sir. This is going to sound crazy, but last night I used your establishments golden toilet. Now, I demand a price!"

"Sir, I remember you from last night. We do not have a golden toilet. Maybe you imagined it in your stupor?"

The man was horrified. Not because he was embarassed, but because he really needed to use that toilet. He went to find it, and went through the door to the right. Alas, the toilet was gone. He was so upset that he returned to the bar to order a drink.

Meanwhile, the daytime jazz band was being introduced. The man was excited as he remembered, "Sing, Sing, Sing!" from his childhood.

The conductor held his arms up to prepare the band. The man took another sip off of his Bourbon.

Suddenly, as the band began to play, brown lumps, chunks, and liquids exploded from the tuba.

The man had realized his mistake and quietly left New Orleans. The legend has it that he bought his own tuba on Amazon later that week, but alas, we can not say for sure.