The Complete List of Asian Lists

How to be the perfect asian american parent (From the Second Generation Perspective)1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with 99 percent grade on his/her report card.3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habadu (Harvard), Yeil (Yale), or Purinsuton (Princeton).5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" into your daily conversations with your children.10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.HOW TO BE A PERFECT ASIAN KID (From the First Generation Perspective)1. Score a perfect 1600 on the SAT.2. Play the violin or piano on the level of a concert performer.3. Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges.4. Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarship money to pay for it.5. Have four hobbies: studying, studying, violin/piano, and studying.6. Love classical music and detest talking on the telephone.7. Become a Westinghouse, Presidential and eventually a Rhodes Scholar.8. Aspire to be a brain surgeon.9. Marry an Asian-American doctor and have perfect, successful children (grandkids for ah-ma and ah-ba!).10. Love to hear stories about your parents' childhood ... especially the one about walking 20 miles to school without shoes. YOU KNOW YOU ARE CAMBODIAN IF ...1. You own, have relative who owns, or know someone who owns a DONUT SHOP!!!2. You have a life time job at a donut shop.3. You still work at a donut shop on weekends even if you have a full time job outside.4. You HATE Donuts!!5. You can't live without steamed rice.6. You want other Asians to stop meddling in your countryYOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF ...1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.3. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.4. You're afraid of black people.5. You know you are superior to all other Asians. YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF ...1. You're obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).3. You're afraid of black people.4. You know you are superior to all other Asians. YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF ...1. You smoke and drink too much.2. You're actually sorry that Margaret Cho's sitcom was canceled.3. You're afraid of black people.4. You know you are superior to all other Asians. YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF ...1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star.3. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black.4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is just cool in itself. YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF ...1. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.2. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're just as dark as they are.3. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it. YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF ...1. You've gotta have fish sauce with every meal.2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho."3. You have some relative who is Chinese.4. You're afraid of black people.5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.Bee 526951 [rec.humor]