A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.
The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and past the office with rod and tackle bag in hand. Just after dark he walks into the manager's office with 8 very fine Scottish, stream bred, trout in his fishing basket and an enormous smile on his face.
'What a brilliant session' he exclaimed, “I've never experienced any thing like it, could you please wake me up 5:30 tomorrow”.
The next night he was back at the door, absolutely festooned with a dozen prized trout and a very tired but ecstatic look on his face.
“Please make it 5 am tomorrow morning, fishing is my passion, my reason for living and this place is my heaven, I can't waste a moment.”
When the manager saw him the next evening it was a sight to behold. Not only fish hanging from every conceivable part of his fishing jacket but he had a wheelbarrow filled to the brim. There were bags under his eyes, his hands were trembling and his voice was very raspy but the look of contentment on his face spoke volumes.
“Better make it 4 am tomorrow please” was the request, “This is my last night then my honeymoon is over.”
“Honeymoon?” came the query, “I hadn't realised sir, I must say I haven't seen your wife, is she okay?”
“Sure, just not comfortable around strangers. Actually just between you and me she isn't the most attractive person and doesn't like being gawked at.”
“Oh I am sorry to hear that sir but be that as it may, shouldn't you spend your last night here with her?” asked the manager.
'Well did I mention she was not all that attractive? I'm afraid this wasn't quite true, she is actually hideous, I'm not sure I could even do the deed.”
“Well sir, perhaps with the lights off and a paper bag for good measure might suffice? It is also her honeymoon as well you know.”
“Yes but you see” replied the fisherman, “my bride has a terrible prolapse along with two venereal diseases, I just couldn't”.
“My goodness” was the response.
“And before you say I should turn her around her persistent and sizable hemorrhoids make that an impossibility”.
“Well sir I am indeed struggling, perhaps allowing her to perform fellatio might be an option?”
“What with all those rotten and chipped teeth, it would be like having oral sex from a shark. Not a chance!” protested the fisherman.
“Ouch” came the reply form the manager, “I will admit to being at a loss, is her at least giving you a hand-job out of the question?”
“Totally, the warts and ulcers and chipped nails would see to that.”
“I'm sorry sir but I simply must know, why on earth did you marry her?” asked the manager resignedly.
“Why for the worms son, for the worms.”
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.