That's how to do it...

Bob and Marty were out drinking one night and were talking. Bob: I just can't seem to fool my wife, no matter what I do. I park the car a block from the house and walk the rest of the way. I enter the house as quietly as I can. I take of my shoes before I slowly climb the stairs. I get undressed in the bathroom, and climb into bed as quietly as I can, but the Wife always wakes up and yells at me for being out drinking so late. Marty: You're doing it all wrong. I speed up to my house and slam on the brakes, squealing the tires, I slam the front door loudly and stomp up the stairs. I then bounce into bed, solidly grab my wife's ass, and drunkenly slur, "Hey honey, how 'bout a little?", She then always pretends to be asleep.

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