"That's as clean as cold water gets 'em!"

A young man is harassed by his parents on the topic of his grandfather, and how he never visits or speaks to him anymore. The man protests, sighing. "He's such a weirdo. And he lives up there all alone in mountain country, I doubt he wants to see *anyone!*"

But his parents continue to insist and, finally, thinking it would be worthwhile just to get his mom and dad off his back about it, the man sets off to visit his grandpa's mountain shack.

And, boy, is Papaw elated to see his one and only grandson. They embrace as the young man exits his vehicle, and the two soon enter the cabin.

"I was just about have breakfast! Here," he said, handing his descendant a plate. "Biscuits and gravy, on me!" the old man chuckled.

The young man frowned, and even grimaced a bit, as he held up his plate in the dim lantern light. "But, grandpa," he winced, "This plate is kinda... dirty. Can't you get me a clean one?"

Grandpa laughed, shaking his head. "That's as clean as cold water gets 'em!" he shrugged.

The younger man shrugged, too, and decided not to worry about it too much. He would not be here for long, after all; and, soon, as he ate, he would have to admit that the homemade biscuits and gravy were pretty good at least.

The two family members just relaxed for the morning, talking and catching up on their various doings and life events. Before long, it was time for lunch.

"I have a stew in the pot!" grandpa nodded with pride as he tended to its fire -- and handed his grandson a bowl.

The young man looked at it and withdrew in horror. The bowl was visibly grimy. "Um, Papaw," he said in a reserved tone, "This bow is, y'know, sorta filthy. Can't I have another?"

Grandpa laughed again. "Boy, that's as clean as cold water gets 'em!"

The older man beamed, and effectively charmed his grandson into not worrying about it any further again. After all, the young man thought, I will be leaving soon. I can endure one more meal in a dirty dish.

Indeed, it was soon time for the young man to leave. He had had a good visit. The two men embraced, and exited the cabin toward the winding mountain driveway.

But the young man was unable to get to his car, because his grandfather's dog was prowling around it. The mutt was seemingly agitated, and growled at the grandson as he approached, snarling a bit, and being generally unfriendly.

"Uh, Papaw," the grandson said with a half-smirk, "Ya mind callin' off your dog?"

Grandpa nodded with a twinkle in his eye, and yelled...

*"Cold Water, leave that boy alone!"*