Survival of the fittest brain cells

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the
herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back of the herd that
are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole herd is maintained or even
improved by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way,
the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through
which the electrical signals pass.


Recent etiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol
kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of spirits helps eliminate the weaker cells,
constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of
this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend
parties and job-related performance. It also explains why, after a few short
years of completing university studies and then getting married and settling
down, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new
graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious
alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieved
during their university years.


So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge we
should not shudder in our homes. But get back into the bars and pubs and quaff
that pint! Your company and your country needs you to be at your peak, and at
your best, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career opportunities that you
could achieve through excessive alcohol consumption. Take life by the bottle and
be all that you can be! And remember a good cold beer will kill those bad,
useless brain cells that are slowing you down and it will make the necessary
room needed to get the good brain cells up front and at the top ready to perform
at their best. So bottoms up, down the hatch, look out brain it's coming fast!