Some Humor

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
My grandmother's 90; she's dating a man 93. They never argue: they can't hear each other.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
I have my 87th birthday coming up, and people ask me what I'd most appreciate getting. I tell them: a paternity suit. (George Burns)
As I grow older and older, And totter toward the tomb, I find that I care less and less, who goes to bed with whom. (Dorothy Sayers)
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home. (Phyllis Diller)
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
Don't take life so seriously ... it's not permanent.
Despite the cost of living, it's still quite popular.
The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book, your library card has expired. (Milton Berle)
Experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again.
If you're old enough to know better, you're too old to do it.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Time wounds all heels.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
You're getting old when tying one on means fastening your Medic Alert bracelet.
You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July.
You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
I'm getting just like my great-grandchildren -- wearing diapers and using a walker.
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
Death is not the end; there remains the litigation over the estate.
My uncle reads the obits every day. He can't understand how people always die in alphabetical order.
Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.