One of the lads says, "Guys, I keep messing up, and my wife is getting pretty upset with me. I keep saying things that I don't mean to say."
His friend says "Well, like what?"
The lad responds, "So last week, me and the wife were having dinner and the waitress tells us they have fresh fruit. I wanted to say 'is it nice and juicy?' But what came out was 'can I lick your pussy?'"
His friend laugh, and the lad goes on "And just a couple of days ago, I was out with the wife again and we were getting ice cream. I wanted to order 'triple fudge ripple' but instead, I said 'I want to suck your nipples!"
Again his friends are laughing, and the lad asks if anything like that has every happened to them?
The one friend who hadn't said much at finally chimed in and said "Of course! Just this morning my wife asked me if I would like some cereal for breakfast, to which I responded 'You stupid fucking bitch, you ruined my fucking life!'
Many of the jokes are contributions from our users. If you find anything offensive and against our policy please report it here with a link to the page. We will do everything to make this an enjoyable platform for everyone.