So a cetologist found a formula to stop aging in certain species

Dr. Smalls was a world famous cetologist who focused his work on some lesser known toothed marine mammals. After months of nearly fruitless endeavor, he found a compound that when applied to the animal will completely stop the aging process making it biologically immortal.

Thrilled with his discovery, Dr. Smalls went to work immediately producing more and more of the compound. Soon he realized that one key ingredient was running low. He looked everywhere for it, but found out that it was no longer produced by any chemical manufacturer. Desperate, he investigated the chemical makeup and discovered the reason for its lack of availability. Apparently, the chemical comes from the feathers of an endangered species of myna bird and its sale was declared illegal years ago.

Not wanting to let his research go to waste, he hatched a plan. He found that a zoo in his area actually had one of the birds in their African habitat. He planned on birdnapping the bird and keeping it alive to harvest its feathers. Quickly he drove down to the zoo which is where he saw a few flaws. First of all, the exhibit was very carefully locked down, with bars over the entire habitat. Second, he realized that even if he were to get in, there were several hungry lions nearby.

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, late one night he snuck into the zoo to attempt to get the bird. He found the bird with out any problem and managed to put it to sleep and slip it into a bag. Then he realized that he was trapped. While he was drugging the bird, one of the lions had walked out and fell asleep in front of the entrance. Slowly and carefully, Dr. Smalls managed to put one foot than another over the lion without waking it up. Unfortunately for him, the whole time he was being watched on the zoos security cameras and was arrested as soon as he tried to leave.

In court the judge threw the book at him and charged him with crossing a myna over a staid lion for immortal porpoises.