Santa, Krampus, and the Ghost of Christmas Present walk into a bar and find a little boy sitting on a barstool. Mind you, it's the day after Christmas and this isn't their first bar they've hit on their celebratory post-Christmas pub crawl so they're plenty toasted already.
Krumpus with his quick and piercing eyes spots the boy first and clops over on his hooves knowing that a boy of his age and with such rosy cheeks would fetch quite a large piece of gold if sold to the horny little Christmas elves who have always had a taste for youth. Plus the petite stature of little boys makes for better maneuverability with the impish elves.
Hearing the dreaded hoof clops though, the boy scurried from his bar seat with fear in his eyes and then jumps right into santa's lap.
Santa with his cheeks reddened from almost a gallon of hard nog admonishes the conniving Krumpus. "How dare you even begin to think of taking this handsome young boy Krumpus. This boy is special and too pure for your terrible plans." The boy's bravery returns, but foolishly because he does not know of Santa's true intentions. You see dear St Nick never could completely quell the appetite he acquired from his years as a Catholic priest before he changed careers to his current role. You can still see the insatiable hunger in Santa's faded and bloodshot blue eyes as his breathing becomes heavier and pants grow tighter.
After witnessing the character of his companions, the Ghost of Christmas Present realizes the Ghost of Christmas Past wasn't exaggerating with his tales. So Christmas Past quickly dials Child protective services and then NPPD because it's 2015 and it's time to put an end to old dudes diddling little boys.
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