Redneck quickies 37

You might be a redneck if...You keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case". You've given your gun a woman's name. Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools. You go to the post office to research your family tree. You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can. Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up. You see a forest fire and think 'Bar-bee-Q'. You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter. Your mother is hairier than your father. Instead of flossing you use a plunger. You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way. When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.Your grandma can bench press atruck axle.You watch "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and have to find someone to explain it to you.Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you've met your future wife.When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family. Your favorite fruit is chicken.You think those yellow traffic signs that say "Slow children at play" means the kids in the area are not too bright. At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.