Redneck quickies 33

You might be a redneck if...When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".You own more than two clappers.You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents. Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife's car, but no blade. You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it. You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool. You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool. Your pickup truck no longer has a back. The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels "over yonder in them hills."Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair. Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook. Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips. Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net. City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new recruits.You think Tang is in the fruit group. You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with your ABC's.You've ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.