Redneck quickies 32

You might be a redneck if...


Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.


You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in, one of the injured fowl had escaped, found the chicken in the mirror, and was currently fighting with said chicken.


There have ever been any gun parts, magazines, or ammunition stored on the window ledge of your kitchen. Particularly if they have if they have laid there long enough for the sun to bleach the paper on the shotgun shells.


Any part of your driveway has ever been unusable due to nesting fowl.


One or more doors to your house or trailer are periodically unusable due to nesting fowl.


The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.


You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.


You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.


You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.


You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.


You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.


Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.


Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.


You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.


You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.


You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.


The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.


Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.


You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.


You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.