Redneck quickies 31

You might be a redneck if...You have to duct tape your gloves on. You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun. Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.You think that Marlboro is a cologne. Your best coat is a black and red checkered. You put your Christmas lights up 2 weeks after taking them down. You consider duct tape and tarp straps necessities for auto body repair. You raise the confederate flag in the bed of your truck whenever you go for a drive.You can't wait for the Saturday night square dance. You refer to your truck as if it had a legal first name. You've ever been given a gun as a present. Flannel is your favorite color.You or one of your relatives is named Cletus. Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.You have got more bumper stickers than children. Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup, particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was yours.You have ever had to stop at a car wash on the way to a funeral to wash the dump dirt from the back of your pickup so you can use it as a flower truck.Your clawfoot bathtub has ever been unusable because your wife was using it as a brooder.