"Please Don't Hurt Me" by I. Bruce Easily
"Life Through the Eyes of a Drunk" by Al Coholic
"Thirty yards to the outhouse" by Will E. Makeit
(illustrated by Betty Wont)
"The Proper Use of Sunscreens" by Justin Casey Burns
"How To Cure Scratching" by Ivan Awfulich
"Discount Alternatives" by Robin Stuff
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