Reaction to Snakes

• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.

• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.

• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for
more snakes.

• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere
kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."

• Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Can't
find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the
club and some sort of drink called "The Snake."

• Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.

• 2nd Ranger: Assaults
the snake's home and
secures it for use by
friendly snakes.

• MI: analyzes all
available intelligence
and national asset
input on the reptilian
situation; reports
sighting of Godzilla to
National Command
Authority.

• JAG: Advises the
snake on the rules of
engagement and the
law of war as it
pertains to the snake
and its defensive
posture.

• Quartermaster: Captures snake and applies a
National Stock Number (NSN) to it. Implements a
Found On Installation (FOI) procedure and picks
up snake on property book. Has company
commander sign hand receipt for "Snake, Green,
One Each," as non-expendable unit property.

• Chemical Corps: Starts to gas the little booger,
but then realizes that there is an M-18, A-2
Respirator especially made for snakes,
remembers the Chemical Corps Motto,
"UTRWBAG" (Up Their Rear With Bugs and Gas),
and conducts three experiments on it that have
been strictly prohibited by the Clinton Treaty of
1999.

• Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several
grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed
attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the
SEAL then retreats to safety.

• Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills
several hundred civilians with a massive TOT
with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is
considered a success and all participants (cooks,
mechanics, clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

• Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.

• Pathfinder: Guides the snake elsewhere.


• AF Fighter Pilot: Mis-identifies the snake as a
Russian HIND helicopter and engages it with
missiles. Crew chief paints a snake on airplane.

• AF Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first
encounter, then feverishly works to save the
snake's life.

• Green Beret: Makes contact with the snake,
builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then
trains it to kill other snakes.


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