Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower... Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed... Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany) A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October... Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: And accomplish what? Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy) A: I'm not touching this one... Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (South Africa) A: Why? We do have toilet paper here... Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal) Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK) Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us... Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No. Everybody stinks. Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany) A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks... Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde... Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes. Gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Yes. At Christmas. Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany) A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany) A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: Another blonde? Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face North and you should be about right. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps? Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy) A: Yes. Outdoors. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.