Online Dating

Ok so there's this girl and her friend talking about their dating lives.

Girl 1: "Oh my god, I am just so sick and tired of the dating scene! I swear there are no good guys left in this world. I give up."

Girl 2: "You know what your problem is? You're going about this all wrong. Stop meeting guys in bars and clubs and try something different. What about Tinder or OKCupid or Plenty of Fish? There's plenty of other options for you! Just be careful because there are a lot of creepers out there."

The girl takes her friends advice and starts online dating; opening up profiles at just about every site there is. But, to filter out the creepers and bad guys, she makes 3 simple rules in her profile.

Rule #1 - You can never beat or hit me in any way.
Rule #2 - You can never run off on me with another woman.
Rule #3 - You must be amazing in bed.

Well, the guys start coming in and she goes out on few dates. The first guy was handsome, but seemed like too much of a bad boy with issues. Seemed like he would have too much to drink and lose his cool. Another guy was a total casanova, but a little too smooth, she got the vibe that he was a total player and would probably run off with another woman.

Right when she is about to give up all hope again she hears her door bell ring.

Ding dong!

She goes, answers the door but nobody is there.

???

Looks left, nobody. Looks right, nobody still. Finally she hears an *ahem* and lo and behold, on the floor, there is a man, leaned up against her doorstep with no arms and no legs. The man declares...

"Honey, look no further! I am the man of your dreams!"

"Oh really?" She says giving him the most confused look a woman in her position can give. "What makes you think that?"

"Well, I have no arms, so I can't beat or hit you."

"Good point," she replies.

"I have no legs, so I can never run away."

"I see. And how in the world, with no arms and legs, do you think that you are amazing in bed?"

The man gives her the dirtiest, sexiest grin and says...

"I rang the door bell didn't I?"