One Parachute Left

You are one of three people on a malfunctioning aeroplane with only one parachute. How would you react?


Pessimist: You refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.


Optimist: You refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.


Procrastinator: You play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.


Bureaucrat: You order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.


Computer Scientist: You design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.


Mathematician: You refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.


Engineer: You make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.


Psychoanalyst: You ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.


Doctor: You tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.


Lawyer: You charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.


Judge: After reminding them of their constitutional right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.


Economist: Your only rational and moral choice is to take the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other person.


Statistician: You plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.


IRS auditor: You confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.


Manager: As you jump out with the parachute, you tell them to work hard and not expect handouts.


Consultant: You tell them not to worry, since it won't take you long to learn how to fix a plane.


Salesperson: You sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.


Advertiser: you do a sexy dance while singing that what they need is a neon parachute with computer altimeter for only $39.99.


Philosopher: You ask how they know the parachute actually exists.


Teacher: You give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.


English major: You explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.


Comparative Literature major: You read the parachute instructions in all four languages.


Dramatist: You tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.


Modern Painter: You hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.


Auto Mechanic: As long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.