Once upon a time there was a princess.

This princess could never get her father, the king, to approve of any man she brought home. She brought home a baker, a farmer, a lord, even a few knights, but no matter their social standing, wealth, or intelligence, her father would not approve. Exasperated with trying and failing to find a prince, the princess said to her father, "If no man I can bring home will satisfy you, then find a man for me!" The king was delighted! This was all he had ever wanted. And so, the king issued a royal decree:

"To all eligible bachelors of the realm: I invite you to the castle on the first day of the next month in a challenge to fight for my daughter, the princess. The champion shall be granted the opportunity to court her, and if she so decides, marry her."

Lo and behold, at the first of the month, thousands of men were lined up at the castle gates. The king invites the men into his gymnasium, where they see the largest swimming pool they have ever witnessed. The king instructs the men to line up on the edge of the pool. "Men, the first of you to cross this vast pool and climb out on my side shall be the champion and will be allowed to court my daughter." Instantly, all the men inch closer to the edge, ready to dive in and swim faster than they ever have before. "But wait," says the king, motioning to his servants. The servants then dump hundreds of sharks, piranhas, snapping turtles, and jelly fish into the pool. As if on cue, every single man takes two steps back. No man would ever dare brave these waters, which is exactly the king's intentions. No man is good enough for his daughter. A smug grin begins to spread across the king's face, when a loud splash breaks the silence. Everyone in the room gasps immediately as a single man swims frantically across the pool. The king had never seen anyone move with such speed!

When the man finally crosses to the king's side of the pool, he climbs out, bloody and with large bite marks covering his body. The king is struck with disbelief, "My boy, what you have just done is the bravest thing I have ever seen. Not only will I allow you to court my daughter, but I will grant you one wish, so long as it is within my power."
Bent over from exhaustion, the man pants, "Thank you, your majesty. I know what I would like."
"Are you sure? You've just had a very traumatic experience! You should rest for a few days, think about it, and then come back to me and I will make it so."
The man insists, "No, sir, I know exactly what I want."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am very sure."
"Well, then what do you want?"
"The name of the asshole that pushed me."