Not part of the retirement plans.

A man takes early retirement and leaves the big
city for a crofter’s cottage in the Scottish
Highlands. After a month of isolation he hears a
knock on his door. He answers it and sees an
enormous Scottish farmer standing outside. ‘I
hear you’re new around here,’ says the farmer,
‘Yes, I am,’ replies the man. ‘I thought I’d
introduce myself and ask you to a party I’m
having,’ says the farmer. ‘That’s very nice. I’d love
to come,’ says the man. ‘I’d better warn you
there’ll be lots o’drinking,’ says the farmer. ‘I don’t
mind, I like a drink,’ replies the man. ‘And nee
doubt they’ll be a few fights breaking out,’ says
the farmer. ‘That’s okay, I can take care of myself,’
replies the man. ‘And things get a bit frisky in the
wee hours,’ says the farmer. ‘There’ll be lots of
sex.’ ‘That’s fine by me,’ says the man. ‘I haven’t
had any female company for a long time.’ ‘Och,
there’ll be no lassies,’ says the farmer. ‘It’s just the
two of us.'