Newcomer at Pete's Pub

So, it's 5:30 PM. Pete is sitting behind the bar, feeding drinks to one of his daily regulars, when a fresh face walks in.

Pete had never seen the guy before, but he looked pretty shaken--like he needed a stiff drink.

The man sat down next to Pete's regular customer at the bar, and he saw the regular say to the newcomer, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"It's my wife! She cheated on me!" The man sobs, "I'm not a drinker, but I'll be damned if I don't down a whole *bottle* of whiskey with you guys tonight."

Pete watches as the look on his regular's face softens. He says, "Hey, you know what? You don't want to be like us. Alcohol isn't the answer to your problems. What you need is a good cheering up!"

The newcomer says, "I don't know mister, I just want to let go and get drunk for once."

To that, Pete's regular replies, "No. No no no, no. I have something that will cheer you up. I promise. You see, there's a window on the top floor of this building with magical properties."

"Bull shit," the newcomer says.

Pete is sipping on a seltzer water, listening on.

"I'm serious. I'll prove it. Once you use this window, you'll never worry about that ol' ball and chain again. You'll be free! Hey man, you got nothing to lose, just follow me real quick and I'll show you.

"Well, alright." And they walk upstairs.

Pete is still sitting, daydreaming, sipping his seltzer--meanwhile, the regular and the newcomer are exchanging words upstairs.

"So, all you gotta do is dive out of this window head first, and you'll be granted the gift of flight. And who needs booze when you can *fly*!"

"You think I'm an idiot?" The newcomer continues, "Buzz off, I'll buy myself a bottle at the gas station and drink at home. I'm sick of everyone, damn it!"

"Not so fast," the regular says. "Let me show you."

The newcomer eyes him, tired, and makes his way towards the stairs when--just then--the regular dives head first out the window. The newcomer shouts, "NO! WAIT!" and sprints back towards the window, hoping foolishly that he will be able to save Pete's favorite customer. Then, suddenly...

The newcomer gazes in astonishment as the regular falls within feet of the pavement, then rockets back into the sky and pulls a double loop-de-loop. He is floating in the air when he calls to Pete's newcomer, "See? What did I tell ya! Come on out and be free my new pal!"

With a rush of excitement and new-found will to live, the newcomer jumps headlong out of the window...

Back behind the bar, Pete hears the newcomer's faint scream, then a loud *THUD* outside the front door. Then, his regular comes through the door, straightening his tie and chuckling.

Pete says, "Superman, you're an asshole."