New Year's Resolutions - 1996 Edition

New Year's Resolutions.


I have faithfully made such resolutions in the past, and while I haven't been able to keep all of them, I have tried my best to continue making progress on them year after year. Following is my revised list of "New Year's Resolutions - 1996 Edition":


Resolution #1


1993: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.


1994: I will not leave Marge.


1995: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.


1996: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.


Resolution #2


1993: I will stop looking at other women.


1994: I will not get involved with Wanda.


1995: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.


1996: I will stop looking at other women.


Resolution #3


1993: I will not let my boss push me around.


1994: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.


1995: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.


1996: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.


Resolution #4


1993: I will read at least 20 good books a year.


1994: I will read at least 10 books a year.


1995: I will read 5 books a year.


1996: I will finish Space.


Resolution #5


1993: I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my baldness.


1994: I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my toupee.


1995: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.


1996: I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.


Resolution #6


1993: I will get my weight down below 180.


1994: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.


1995: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.


1996: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.


Resolution #7


1993: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.


1994: I will not touch the bottle before noon.


1995: I will not become a "problem drinker".


1996: I will not miss any AA meetings.


Resolution #8


1993: I will not spend my money frivolously.


1994: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.


1995: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.


1996: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 1999.


Resolution #9


1993: I will see my dentist this year.


1994: I will have my cavities filled this year.


1995: I will have my root canal work done this year.


1996: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.


Resolution #10


1993: I will go to church every Sunday.


1994: I will go to church as often as possible.


1995: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.


1996: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.