� NEW VIRUS WARNING

�If you receive a message with a subject line of "Bad times," delete it
immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous virus yet.
�It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any
disks that are even close to your computer (20' range at 72 degrees Fahrenheit).


�It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream melts and milk curdles.
�It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM
access code, and screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.
�It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.


�It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your
car radio so that you hear 1940's hits and static while stuck in traffic.
�It will give you nightmares about circus clowns. It will replace your shampoo
with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while changing all your active verbs
to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly
change the interpretation of key sentences.
�"Bad times" will give you Dutch Elm disease.
�It will rewrite your back-up files, leave the toilet seat up and leave the
hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
�It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
but also refill your skim milk with whole.
�It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is
also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
�These are just a few signs. Be very, very afraid.
Be warned.