My late grandfather's favorite joke (requires a bit of performance)

A man goes in to have his suit tailored. "Mario," he says, "this suit you made me, the hems are all wrong. Take a look." "Ah, that's no problem," says the tailor, "you just have to walk like this." [waddles around with his knees apart kicking his legs up high.] "Fix it!" the man huffs, and takes the suit off to be altered.

The next morning the man's back. "Mario," he says, "I think you misunderstood me. The hems are STILL all wrong and now the elbow and cuffs are all screwed up too!" "Ah," Mario says, "that's not a problem. You just have to hold your arms like this [thrusts one elbow upward by his ear and extends the other arm straight backward as far as it'll go]. "Fix it!" the man says, and again leaves the suit to be altered.

The next day the man's back again. "Mario, what the hell's the matter with you!" he says. "You didn't alter the hems OR the arms and now you've managed to mess up the seat of my pants!" "Ah, but that's no problem," says Mario, "you just have to hold your rear like this." [sticks his butt way up in the air.]

By this time the man's had it. "I'm taking my business elsewhere!" he shouts, and storms out the door.

As he walks away, though, he feels ever-more self-conscious about his suit. He tries to fix the hems [do the silly walk], he tries to fix the cuffs [do the crazy arms], and he tries to fix the seat of his pants [stick that butt in the air. Now, combine the three elements with gusto in a sustained wacky amble. Sell it.]

Just then he passes two old ladies on a porch. "Oh dear," says the older lady, "look at that unfortunate man. Perhaps he was wounded in the war." "That poor thing," says the other, "but my, doesn't his suit fit nicely!"

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