My Grandfathers story

My Grandfather told me a story today from many years ago.

He said he and my grandmother were driving down a long and dusty back road, sun beating down on a hot summers day.

When all of a sudden, they see an elderly lady walking a long the back road. Puzzled, my Grandfather pulls over to see if she's alright.

'Excuse me ma'am, are you ok' my grandfather asks.

'I'm fine sonny, I just got a little lost walking to the shops' she replies.

'Well you're going in the complete wrong direction, the shops are about 10 miles here. It's a long way to walk for yourself and that heavy suitcase, how about we give you a lift?' He queries.

She agrees and gets into their car clutching her suitcase.

She and my Grandmother exchange pleasantries and begin chatting.

They talk about all manner of things, knitting, church, their grandchildren. Anything that comes to mind.

My Grandmother being the curious type that she is, noticed that the elderly woman was holding her suitcase very tightly.

'If you don't mind me asking, what's in the suitcase?' My Grandmother asked.

'I do mind you cunt. It's none of your fucking business' she snaps.

Grandpa said he and Grandma were taken aback by her comment, but she was old and she may have dementia or something similar. They decide to leave it alone and not confront her.

After a few miles of awkward silence my Grandfather decides to chirp up.

'So, you have a favourite football team?' He cautiously asked.

'Why yes I do sonny, I'm a 49ers fan through and through. How about you darling?' She sweetly surprised.

My Grandparents were amazed at her turn around, she was a sweet old lady again.

The elderly lady and my Grandfather talk football for miles.

Her love of Jerry Rice, his love of the Cowboys; they actually had a lot in common.

He being the smart arse that he is decided to try his luck.

'Hey uh, what's in the suitcase?' He queried.

'I already told you dumb dog fuckers, nothing. If you ask me again I'll rip your eyeballs out and shit down your eye sockets. It's none of your fucking business' she snapped once again.

Realising something was wrong, my grandparents realised they needed to get rid of this woman.

'Excuse me sir, I really need to go to the bathroom. Would you mind pulling over?' The elderly lady asked.

A prime opportunity.

As the elderly woman exits the car my grandfather drives off like a lunatic, speeding and swerving all over the road.

My Grandmother looks over where the old woman was sitting to see she had left her suitcase in the car.

'Wow' I said to my Grandfather 'That's crazy' I continued.

'I know, craziest day of my life' he replied.

'So what was in the suitcase?' I asked.

'None of your fucking business' he replied.