So my girlfriend was going away for a couple months so she gave me some scented candles and said "light these when you are thinking of me." So every time I would jack off I would light a candle. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't do what I do without lighting one of the candles.
Anyway the other day I went to the bathroom, lit a candle and started thinking of my girlfriend. Then the fire alarm went off and the flight attendant started banging on the door yeling "Sir you can't smoke in there!" and I replied "I'm not smoking, I'm jacking off!" Well thats how I got kicked off the airplane, because at that time we were still on the tarmac. I can no longer fly British Airways.
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