My Ex Girlfriend was getting beaten up at a bus stop by 5 guys, so as a human being I had to step in and help....

Three old men are...

First one says "Johnny just became a partner at the law firm he works at."...

Airplane

Three guys are in an airplane. The first takes a bite out of an orange, and...

What did the male...

"I want to fuck your brains out"

The difference...

I can put a silencer on my firearm.

What do you call...

Crews Control.

If Bernie Sanders...

...that would be unpresidented.

I don't know what...

and these blackmail allegations but I'm pretty sure he used to be one.

I like my coffee...

Cinnamon roasted, french pressed, with bit of sugar, and I'll add my own cream.

zlatan was late...

So the coach punished all the other teammates for being early

My dwarf...

My dwarf girlfriend went to work this morning upset with me, because I've...