My dad CLAIMS to have invented this joke. I think it's too good and don't want to give him credit, but I can't find it online.

This story takes place in 1860. Back 150+ years ago, presidental candidates didn't have nearly the luxuries current candidates do. The didn't stay in five star hotels or travel by private jet - they stayed with normal families on their campaigns and in exchange for a place to stay, would do chores around the property before they headed to a new city.

In 1860 Abraham Lincoln actually stayed with my great great great grandma. She was a pretty bossy lady and gave Lincoln a long list of chores to do as soon as she met him. Finally when he thought he was done, my grandma said "Last chores Abraham. For dinner we're having stew, corn on the cob, and apple pie. I'll work on the stew, but you're going to be on the front porch shucking corn and peeling apples until there's nothing left in front of you." And with that, she led him outside where there were two huge baskets filled to the brim with apples and corn.

Abraham started peeling and shucking. Periodically my grandma would check on him to see how much he had left to get an idea of when they'd eat. Little known fact about Abraham Lincoln, but he is very bad at shucking corn and peeling apples.

After checking on him for what felt like the tenth time, my grandma was real frustrated. She said "Abraham, how the hell can you be expected to lead a country if you can't even help with dinner!?"

And Abraham Lincoln replied, "relax Mrs. Lee, I have four cores and seven ears to go."



My dad CLAIMS he invented this. He has lots of others like it with similar punchlines where he rewords common sayings - 'brass is always cleaner on the other slide,' etc.


Edit: I'll post another of his originals. It'll take a bit to type up, but it'll be posted soon!