Marriage, Marriage, Marriage...

Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. The other half end in death.

---------

Marriage involves three rings: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-*ring*.

--------

In the first month of marriage, couples fuck on average 5 times a week. In the first year, the average goes down to 3 fucks a week. In the first 2 years, newlyweds fuck once a week on average. And in the first 10 years, twice a month. Surprisingly, at 20 years, married couples fuck several times a day. Every time they pass each other in the hallway, "fuck you..." "fuck you too!"

---------

Susan makes a gourmet candle lit home-cooked meal for her husband Joe on their 25th wedding anniversary. Joe walks in and says, "what's this whole thing for?" S: "Its our 25th wedding anniversary, Joe..." Joe slumps into his chair and begins to sob. "Why are you crying, Joe?"

Joe: "Remember when we got married, 25 years ago? We were 19, you told your pa, the town sheriff, you were pregnant, and he got his shotgun and said if we didn't get married he'd throw me in jail for 25 years?"

Susan: "Yes, Joe... How could I forget that fateful night..."

Joe: "Well, tonight I'd be a free man!!"

---------

On her 50th wedding anniversary, Sandy slips into the lingerie Patrick gave her on their wedding night. She beckons Pat to the bedroom as she does a little dance and strips off the lingerie. "Pat, do you remember what you told me on our wedding night 50 years ago?" "Yes, dear, of course I remember! I said I was going to fuck your brains out, suck your tits dry and pound you til you couldn't walk straight!" "And...?" "I'd say I did a pretty good job!"