Letter from a Redneck

Dear Billy joe Bob,
I'm writting this slow because I know you can't read fast. We
don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your
home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address
because the last family that lived here took the house numbers
when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.


This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not
sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes
in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since.


The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the
first time for three days and the second time for fourdays.


About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it
would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so
we cut them off and put them in the pockets.


Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really
worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father
out.


Your sister had a baby this morning,but I haven't found out what
it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby
looks just like your brother.


Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men
tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had
him cremated; he burned for three days.


Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch
was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your
other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they
couldn't get the tailgate down.


Your Favorite Aunt