Last will and testament

I had my attorney draw up the following contract, in addition to my will.

In the very likely event I do not survive my own death, I hereby give my loved ones permission to utilize my corpse under the following conditions:

A) A series of increasingly morbid pranks, including but not limited to, propping me up with a stick or manipulating my limbs with puppet strings, using me as a projectile via cannon or trebuchet, dropping me from a bridge into moving traffic, letting small children find my body under their beds etc.

B) For ‘bro’ related activities, such as minding a spot in a queue, to win a bet, using my death for the explicit purpose of sympathy sex, or if rigour mortis has set in, as a weapon in a bar fight