Office Pranks on Induhviduals

My favorite prank report from the field:

"A friend of mine who works with MRI machines bet the medical
salesman that he could not toss his wallet through the opening
in the MRI magnet--the one the patients' head goes
through--without having the wallet touch the sides.

The Induhvidual's wallet included all of his credit cards, which
were instantly demagnetized in the process.

Although it cost my friend a soda, the snicker factor made it
well worth the price."

True Tales of Induhviduals

These true reports were filed by anonymous DNRC operatives:

Sighting #1:

I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes
and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I
said, "sure."

The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I
turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and
is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by
plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the
floor are both covered with water.

[Editor's note: Guess which one of these guys will be a senior
manager someday.]

Sighting #2:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge?"

I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

Sighting #3:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was
for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light
is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people
doing DRIVING???"

Sighting #4:

At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving
the company due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said,
"This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often."

Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like
deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Sighting #5:

I worked with an Induhvidual who plugged her power strip back
into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her
system would not turn on.

Sighting #6 (a rare "double sighting"):

A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought
if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font
they'd take up less room. When he told me I was with another
friend. She thought it was a good idea too.

Sighting #7 (from Tech Support):

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard

Induhvidual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that
Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that

Sighting #8 (from Tech Support):

Induhvidual: Now what do I do?

Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?

Induhvidual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name."

Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.

Induhvidual: How do you spell that?

Sighting #9 (from Tech Support):

We received a support call from a customer who had problems
connecting to some dial-in lines. He said he found a solution to
his connection problems and would like to share it with us.

When he heard his modem retraining upon dialing in, he would
pick up the phone and make a "Kckgkth" noise, like a modem, into
the phone. Then he would hang up and get a reliable connection.
He told us he would be glad to record this noise and send it to
us so that our other customers could benefit from it.

After we stopped rolling on the floor laughing, we told him he
was just inserting line noise and was connecting at a lower

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