#1 “Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: ‘You’ve just killed a small animal. It’s time for a light beer.’ Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, ‘It’s 5 o’clock in the morning. You’ve just pissed on a dumpster. It’s Miller time.’
#2 “You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.”
#3 “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
#4 “We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”
#5 “My first day as a woman and I’m getting hot flashes.” — as “Mrs. Doubtfire” (1993)
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