I decided I was going to go hiking

I go to a Salvation Army, looking to buy a Swiss Army knife. There's a Russian guy working the front, I smile you know and whatever. I find what I'm looking for and begin to pull out the attachments to see what I'm working with. I know none of the tools attached to this device and I'm flabbergasted by the fact, seeming to be unaware of the usefulness of this device. I mean it could save my life in a threatening situation and I have no idea which thing does what. I bring it to the Russian man whose checking out clothes to see if he knows anything about this mysterious object. I say "hey I'm confused about most of the things in this Swiss Army knife, do you have any idea what they do?" To which he responds "no, no, is not Switzerland Army Knife, is Bulgarian People's Armed Union Knife." Wow, I think to myself, I didn't know the Bulgarians had a resource like this. He starts to take apart this unknown piece of history and explains the relevance of each tool. I'm amazed, because most of the definitions he gives for each separate section seem completely useless. "... This, this car key for universal soviet auto machine, parked every 30 miles from the last, all comrades had a ride home." At this point I'm driving myself crazy with this new information, what the fuck did I get myself into? This guy is crazy. Then, it gets better, he pulls out a part of the knife, it's just a thin, flat piece of metal with no apparent end, not a can open, not a knife, not even a fucking nail file. He says to me "ah, yis, this is most useful part of Bulgarian survival mechanism.. Screwdriver." Finally! Something I know, but what the fuck how the hell is that a screwdriver. At this point I'm in autopilot, I don't know how to handle the situation, so I say "that doesn't look like a very good screwdriver." He gives me the most stern look I've ever been exposed too. He says "Boy, thees is the best thing to use when stranded and no way to find de people... You detach the screw and it walks to the nearest screwdriver. You find ride very fast."