Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply
cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone
by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and
occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found
that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose
12 pounds in only 2 days.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned
to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the
dirt by simply peeling it off.
Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The
red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet.
(Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting
polish should be selected).
If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour
a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The
blockage is almost instantly removed.
Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The
following morning you can create the effects of hangover by
drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your
head repeatedly on the wall.
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