Fattest Pig Contest

One day 3 farmers are coming back from town when they see a sign for the County Fair coming next month, right below the main advert is another for a Fattest Pig Contest. The farmers have pigs on their farm so they think they should enter.

When they get back to the farm the first farmer goes "Let's get the fattest pig we have" the second says "And lets feed him a lot every day till the competition" the third one goes "And let's plug him up back there with a cork to keep him from getting any skinnier".

So the farmers get a cork, plug their fattest pig up back there and begin feeding him copious amounts of food every day for a month. When it's time for the competition, they load him up into the back of their truck (after much struggle) and drive to the fair grounds. As you might think, their pig is the biggest there by a mile and they win the contest.

When they get back to the farm they realize they're kind of stuck with this really gigantic pig with a cork plugging it up and it looks like it's about to burst. They ask themselves who's going to be the one to unplug it. They all look at one another and say at the same "Not me". So they come up with the brilliant idea of buying a monkey and teaching it to unplug corks.

So they return to the fair ground and buy a monkey with some of their winnings from the contest. They start training it to uncork, on command, smaller things like wine bottles first, moving on to larger things like barrels. After a while they feel confident enough in their monkey's ability and take him and the pig outside to a large field.

They set the monkey next to the pig and first farmer says "You know what, I'm going to stand 10 feet back for this." The second says "Well I'm going to play it safer and stand 50 feet back." The third one goes "And I'm going to play it even safer and stand 100 feet back."

The moment of truth comes and they give the command to the monkey to unplug the cork from the pig.

The farmer standing 100 feet back closes his eyes as the command is given. He hears a roaring sound like a waterfall and when he opens his eyes he sees he's standing up to his ankles in pig shit. He runs to the farmer who stood 50 feet back and he's up to his waist in pig shit. After digging him out they run to the farmer who stood only 10 feet back, and he's in pig shit up to his neck but he's laughing hysterically.

He keeps on laughing as they're digging him out they ask "How could you be laughing so hard?" "Yeah, you're in pig shit up to your neck!" to which he replies "Yes, but you should've seen the look on the face of the monkey as he tried to put the cork back *in*!"